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Nosey Neighbors

I live in a small town and have twice had many of my neighbors band together secretly to stop me and or embarrass me concerning political things I was doing. They are Obama Liberals and I am a free thinking Libertarian so their tactics are always covert and sneaky because their arguments cannot withstand the light of day. There is a couple that lives nearby who were very instrumental in both events. How do I know? Well in the first one they signed a petition against me, which was actually a great thing because now I have a signed list of my enemies!

In a small southerrn town it's hard to tell who are your friends and who are your enemies because they just talk behind your back and are extra friendly to your face. I think that the friendlier they are to your face the more they hate you. I'm not like that even though I am southern born and raised because both of my parents were from New England. This makes me friendly, talkative, and truthful, unlike my neighbors.

Anyway a couple of years ago, the husband approached me in the post office and asked me "How is business?" I replied, "Actually, none of yours!"

He hasn't spoken to me since, which is fine since I don't agree with anything he says. He used to walk around town with a parrot, and the associated parrot shit, on his shoulder for Pete's sake! The reason I did it is because it wasn't really a "how are you doing" sort of question, it was an "I hope you aren't doing well" question and "if I can find out I'm going to gossip about you all over town."

What reminded me of the event was this morning at the post office his wife approached me and said that she really liked the color I was painting my house. I pointed at my iPhone ear buds, smiled and said that I was sorry I couldn't hear her. Then I got my mail and left.

The reason that was a problem...the question...is that I was painting my house the exact same color as it previously was. The question actually meant in Southern Speak, I'm really glad you finally got around to painting your house.

Which is legitimate as it has been in need of painting for some time. But they should just fucking say that!!!!
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